“Phil? The Doorknobs Going To Need A Polish. Yeah, It’s Red Again…”

From Downing Street on Tuesday morning came a deep, almost subterranean rumbling.

Was it the Underground? Was the plumbing playing up again? Or had it come from the direction of little Florence Cameron’s nappy? No. It was simply Henry Kissinger paying a call.

Mr Kissinger, whose voice is even deeper than Ruth Kelly’s, dropped in on the Chancellor, George Osborne for a private meeting.

…

I understand Messrs Kissinger and Osborne developed their friendship at the Bilderburg Group, a discreet knitting bee for global brahmins.

Happily the papers have informed me that the Bilderberg “boil[s] down to a group of willy-waggling old men” and so I’ve no need to feel anxious when our nation’s Chancellor get pally with a lying, guileful and murderous powermonger. Why, they’re probably just talking about – ooh, I dunno – golf.